Everything We Had
by mangx3
Summary: OneShot. Set between Ch. 14 & 15 of Forever's Not Enough. After a major misunderstanding and his own stubbornness, Inuyasha is living in a world full of pain and regret. He's deluded himself into thinking he's moved on, but is instead slipping away.


**A/N: **This is just a little treat for those who want to read it— Inuyasha's point of view from between Chapters 14 and 15 of _Forever's Not Enough_. As you'll read, our favorite hanyou was in a bit of a catatonic state of emotional numbness and philosophical-ness after what he _thought_ he saw at the end of chapter fourteen… Well, I filled in the blanks of what happened for Kagome in between the two chapters within the story and so here's Inuyasha's side of the story. Enjoy!

Chapter 14.5: Everything We Had

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or anything else not a part of my imagination.**

* * *

_Last Time…_

_Alone._

_What a fucking horrible word._

_I saw the dark splatters on the ground below me and growled. Now I was crying? How fucking pathetic. I didn't know how to handle this. Losing Kagome… it didn't matter that she was going out with Bankotsu. There was always a shallow hope that it would fall through. Foolishly, I had hoped that that would be the extent of it._

_I cursed myself for wishing that for Kagome. And stupidly thinking that anyone could reject her, a pure angel. More droplets fell. I wondered briefly if these were tears of anger or sadness. _

_Arrogantly, I decided that it was purely anger._

* * *

_Late August_

It's been a month since… the incident. It's been a month since I've ever actually _felt _any sort of emotion besides pity— pity for myself and pity for Kikyo for putting up with my shit for the past month.

It's been a month since I've seen her face. It's been a month since I've felt her soft skin. It's been a month since I've inhaled her innocent, warm, sweet scent. It's been a month since I've seen her glare at me for annoying her. It's been a month since she's yelled at me. It's been a month since I've heard her laugh. It's been a month since I've seen her open, gentle honey eyes look at me. And I've missed it all.

Shit… let's just say it's been a fucking horrible month.

I stared at the computer in front of me and stared at the large screen that displayed various levels to tweak the sound of the track of music that a new band had sent me. They were still too new to start promoting but I could see some great potential in them. In fact, I spent the last few weeks with them, whether through meetings in person or over the computer, I just immersed myself in my work, on my label.

Kikyo was getting frustrated. She wasn't nagging me about it or anything, but I could tell that she was annoyed and worried. There's more of that self pity kicking in.

I sighed heavily at the computer and hung my head, allowing it to heavily thud onto the desk and I closed my eyes while I took several deep breaths. I heard the front door to the lobby of the apartment building open up and close downstairs and I could tell by the pattern of the sound of footprints that it was Kikyo coming home. She was probably out for another coffee with Suikotsu. That reminds me…

I have to break up with Kikyo.

I lifted my head lazily only to cradle it in my hands while I propped my elbows up on my knees. Guilt hit me hard and I could feel the muscles on my face form a frown and pull my eyebrows together. I wasn't being fair to either one of us— I don't love her and she certainly doesn't love me. Plus, I saw the attraction she had with Suikotsu at Miroku and Sango's wedding.

With the way that I've been acting, I haven't exactly been playing the part of the doting fiancé and am not what she deserves. I sighed again and heard her key in the front door of the loft, twisting before she opened it and then closed it behind her, throwing the keys onto the small end table with a soft jingle. The smell of food wafted upstairs and into the studio and I instinctively started salivating at the smell of ramen. She knew something was up and that she was trying to make me feel better. Kikyo shouldn't have to suffer along with me. She deserves more than that. I stood up and slowly made my way down the hallway and then down the wooden staircase into the exposed living room, my eyes squinting from the sunlight that poured in the glass wall.

It had been a month since I've left my studio, too, especially during the daytime. Recently, I've taken to sulking in the streets of Tokyo at night. By myself. Of course.

Walking into the kitchen quietly, she didn't notice me standing there, watching her like a creep. She was fast, even meticulous in her actions. Her purse was on the island in the middle, along with a paper bag within a plastic bag that I could smell was the source of the ramen. She had other plastic bags by her feet and Kikyo was hidden by the open refrigerator door while she crouched down to put in the groceries.

"Let me help you with that," I said.

Quickly, Kikyo lifted her head and looked at me with surprise, as if she had forgotten who I was. To be fair, I don't think that I've said more than a couple sentences to her in the past month. And whenever I did leave the loft, she never noticed when I left or when I came back— I'm pretty good at sneaking in and out without people, especially humans, noticing it.

"Inuyasha?" Her dark brown eyes were still wide as they stared at me and her tone of voice was as if I came back from the dead.

"Who else?" I muttered.

Gently, I nudged her aside while I finished putting away the rest of the groceries in the refrigerator and cupboards in the kitchen while she got a plate and utensils from the cabinet and poured out the takeout food. Once I had finished, I turned around and was surprised that she only put out one plate of food while she sat at the counter, watching me warily.

"Go ahead. I got your favorite and I made sure that they didn't make it too spicy— because of your sensitive nose." She raised her eyebrows at me and I stared at the food, surprisingly capable of resisting it. "Did you already eat?" She hopped off of the chair and leaned on the counter looking at me worriedly. "Inuyasha, I don't think I've seen you eat much lately. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I took her hand away from my forehead and I stared at her and I guess I looked troubled because her expression worsened. "Really," I insisted. "I don't think I've ever gotten sick… at least not since I was a kid." I shook my head, trying to regain my original train of thought, wondering how to get away from that tangent.

"I… we should talk about something. Actually, we _need_ to talk about something." I pulled out the chair and she lifted herself up onto it again, folding her hands patiently on her lap, the only sign of curiosity was the slight arch in her dark eyebrows. "Kikyo, I don't think that we should be getting married," I started. Her eyes widened and she blinked at me but I continued, knowing that I couldn't let her try and interrupt— that I needed to finish what I was saying and that she needed to listen.

It still didn't work. She interjected, "Is _this_ why you've been acting strange for the past month? Ever since Sango and Miroku's wedding, you've been distant and you haven't left your studio and… and… you know what, you've been acting like a total zombie since July. It's only gotten worse since the wedding. At least before then, you smiled sometimes and left that goddamn studio of yours for more than an hour or two."

Her face fell and she asked, "Were you having second thoughts since you've proposed in July? Did the wedding make them worse?"

She just didn't realize. Kagome ran away in July and that's when the first wave of detachment kicked in but then Bankotsu's proposal last month, that's what threw me over the edge into zombie land. I stared at her with my mouth open but without words flowing out. I exhaled forcefully and ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Truthfully, if that's what I intended to be, I _did_ think about our relationship during the wedding.

"At the reception, all of my family members were there, at least the ones I shared with Sango, and I told them all about how I was marrying a wonderful girl. An _amazing_ girl. And I meant it, Kikyo. I'm not a fucking liar. Still, it doesn't change that how I felt about you when we first met is different than from how I feel about you now."

I stared at her hand and on the diamond engagement ring that I had placed there less than three months ago. "I— I _did_ love you and I meant everything I've ever said to you, even what I'm saying now. I wouldn't lie to you, Kikyo."

"Inuyasha, don't you think that you're acting irrationally right now? Or at the very least, you're just panicking? We're both young. Maybe we're just not ready for marriage." She took my hands and looked up at me earnestly, but I didn't feel anything when our eyes connected. "Maybe we should just slow things down."

"Kikyo, we just don't have _it_, anymore. I really did love you and it was almost as if what we had was magic. It's gone, now. Now we're just two people who are stuck together."

"You feel as if you're stuck with me…" she repeated numbly.

"Shit, no. I just I feel like if we went through with this, it would end up being a big, big mistake. Kikyo, honestly answer this: do you really love me? Because if you do, then I'll shut the fuck up right now and eat my ramen, but if not, then what the fuck are we about to do with our lives?"

I watched her carefully, but her facial expressions were always carefully put together and she very rarely let anything show. Finally, she said, "I suppose you're right."

Kikyo put a hand against my cheek and smiled sadly at me. Looking down at her, I nodded stoically and put my hand over hers before I pulled both hands away from my face.

"Still friends?"

"Of course." She looked down at her left hand and nodded once before she wriggled the diamond ring off of her slender finger and held the ring in a fist. Kikyo took one of my hands and flipped it over so that the palm faced up. "This belongs to you," she whispered before dropping the small piece of jewelry into my palm.

I shook my head and took her hand, firmly pressing the ring into it. "I gave it to you. It's yours."

"You gave it to me in exchange for a wedding and marriage. We've both decided that it's not what either of us truly want. I can't keep the ring."

"Do me a favor?" I asked, fingering the ring. "Keep it as a gift, if anything. You don't have to wear it— you can even sell it or regift it, but I don't want it."

She nodded and I put the ring back in her hand but held on when she tried to pull away. "One more thing."

Kikyo raised an eyebrow at me and teased, "How is it that you talk to me more than when we were engaged?"

I exhaled through my nose and gave her a small smile in reply. "Go be with Suikotsu."

Her dark eyes widened in shock. "And this has _nothing_ to do with why you're dumping me right now, right? Because I haven't done anything with Suikotsu."

Serenely, I replied, "I know."

With a look of bewilderment, she asked, "Then why?"

"Because it will happen," I responded. "You two will fall in love and when the time comes, I don't want to have to make you choose between an obligation to me and a chance for real love."

She stared at me with a calculating look, as if she were debating whether she should buy that as an excuse or not. I don't blame her. I don't usually say that kind of sappy, romantic shit.

"Really?"

"Really. I've seen you two together and that's the happiest I've seen you since the beginning of our relationship."

I raised my eyebrows and widened my eyes when her eyebrows pulled together and she held a hand to her face and I could smell them. The saltwater rivers falling down her cheeks. Waving my hands frantically, I asked, "Why are you crying?"

"I'm so sorry, Inuyasha."

"You have nothing to be sorry for!" I insisted.

Putting my hands on her shoulders, her heaving seemed to cease and she looked up at me with guilty, watery eyes. "Don't apologize to me. If anything, I should be the one to apologize for being such a prick. I have so much more to apologize for. So much, I hate myself for it, but I can't help myself."

Noticing the slight glint of curiosity in her eyes, I pleaded, "Please don't make me tell you."

The glint vanished and she smiled understandingly. "Can I ask you for a favor now?"

"Anything," I shrugged.

"Can you give me at least two weeks before I move out?"

My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. "What do you mean 'move out'? Well I know what you mean, but what do you mean?"

"Inuyasha, we're not living together if we're not in a relationship," she replied.

"I know that, but _I'll_ move out."

"Of course you're not. Your parents bought this loft."

"For the both of us," I reminded her.

"You have your studio."

"You have your bedroom."

Kikyo blinked. "I just realized, you didn't even sleep in there once, have you? Whenever I do wake up earlier than you, you're always on the couch. I always assumed that you worked late and crashed on the couch."

"That was partly it. The other part was because it didn't feel right," I answered truthfully.

She stared at me in silence, absorbing this new piece of information. "In any case, I can't live here. No, Inuyasha, I really can't. It would be way too uncomfortable for me." Her eyes shifted away before they came back to mine. "I'll go crash at Suikotsu's," she said softly.

"If that's what you want," I shrugged.

She hugged me and I returned the gesture a bit delayed. Pulling away, she gave me a small kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Inuyasha. I'll be back tomorrow morning to start packing my stuff."

I nodded dumbly while she grabbed her purse and keys before walking to the door. She opened it and turned around once more to give me a small smile before she closed it behind her and I could hear the hum of the freight elevator rising up to the loft.

I didn't know what to do now. I thought about trying to help her and pack up her stuff myself but decided against it because a) I don't want her to feel as if I'm going through her personal space, yes I know that for me, that's a major revelation since I usually don't care about personal space, and b) she'd probably be a lot neater, and c) I'm lazy and not in the mood for packing.

So, instead, I took the plate of ramen off of the kitchen counter and put it into the microwave since it had cooled down while I… for lack of a better word, dumped Kikyo.

When the beeping stopped, I opened it back up and practically threw the hot noodles into my mouth, wrinkling my nose uncomfortably at the burning sensation in my mouth. Kagome probably would have said something how I have no manners or etiquette and that I eat like an untrained puppy. Everyone else probably would have agreed while I childishly stuck my tongue out at her. I took my plate and walked to gaze at the view of the skyline that my living room's glass wall provided. What I would do just so I could have another moment like that, with her.

It's been a hell of a month.

* * *

_September_

September. It was Kagome's birthday last week. And that day was complete and utter hell for me. Some stupid assholes that my father and brother had hired to be the 'responsible' ones— corporate puppets who knew _shit_ about music— at my label royally fucked up a contract with a great new guitarist and at the same time, I had to deal with primadonna divas and I still had to fine tune and polish the newer acts I was in the middle of promoting. All on top of the fact that I still hadn't gotten any sleep.

Kikyo and Suikotsu had dropped by within the week of our break-up to pack up and take home all of her stuff. She reminded me about her cousin's birthday, but I already knew. Miroku and Sango had told me that she wouldn't be able to fly back to Japan. I lied and told Kikyo that I'd call her or something.

Suikotsu was a big enough man to realize that I really didn't care that they were already dating— fuck, even living together. Unlike myself, he moved on, past the stage with the awkwardness and tension. I'll be forever grateful to him for that.

As a result, the loft was a lot emptier than what I was used to, which meant something about my home furnishing skills since Kikyo barely unpacked her things from when she moved in. Still, I appreciated the simplicity and cleanliness of my apartment. There was only one thing missing though.

Her.

I think I might be becoming psychotic, or at the very least, obsessed. I've even started dreaming her— and not even in the normal way, which consists of us being together happily or my little 'friend' taking control of my subconscious with some very scandalous and compromising images of her flying through my brain.

No, this shit was freaky ass shit.

At first, they weren't very clear but I could still make out the images the first night it happened.

There was no indication of any of these images coming into my subconscious the night they started. It was between midnight and dawn, I guess about two, three in the morning from the height of the moon in the sky. I finally forced myself to stop working, mainly because everyone who worked for me refused to stay up any later. Keh!

So I tried forcing myself to fall asleep and it had worked for a while. I lied down in my bed and didn't even both to draw the blinds over the windows, letting the silvery light peek in through the window and wash over me. I didn't even realize it when my eyelids had sunk down and I drifted off into unconsciousness. I'm not the dreamer type. When the blackness that I usually saw behind my eyelids brightened into images, vivid ones, I was more than shocked.

A couple pictures flashed before my eyes and I began to actually focus on them. Even though I damn well knew I was asleep, I could feel practically feel my eyes widen in shock when I caught glimpses of these pictures. They were ridiculous and I had no idea where the fuck my brain could even make this shit up.

I saw what seemed to be childhood memories, but the thing was, I have no memory of them. Hmph. That kind of defeats the purpose of a childhood _memory_ doesn't it? The weird thing is, it wasn't a bad memory or traumatizing; nothing that I would want to suppress.

Apparently, according to these images, I didn't just meet Kagome this past summer or even the last summer but that I'd known her since we were both little, having met every summer through Sango. I now had the chance to see her when she was the size of a twerp and with a body of a skinny little twig, not yet the woman she became now. Still, I could recognize her features— long, jet black hair and beautiful, honey-brown eyes. And her lips… I don't think I could ever forget them.

_My hands were entangled in her midnight tresses while our mouths continued our assaults on each other. She wrapped her thin, muscular arms around my neck while her amazing, lithe legs wrapped around my torso. I backed her into the wall of the empty hallway, ignoring whether we were seen or not. I searched my pockets for the key card to my room but was having difficulty concentrating because of the raven-haired goddess I was currently making out with. Once I had unlocked the suite, I carried her into the bedroom._

_As soon as my tongue darted into her mouth and massaged her own, my thoughts melted away in pure pleasure._

_Kagome moaned into the kiss, pushing herself closer to my body and I snaked my arms around her back…_

Anyway, the images were as if someone were snapping Polaroids of a life that I just didn't remember and shoved them in my face. Gradually, the pictures detailed our growth and development and depicted a life in which I seemed to have known Kagome for a while— not that we seemed close. In fact, it seemed like I annoyed the living crap out of her. And she hated me for it. Now it seems a little more plausible.

I didn't dream of the visions every night. It was more like every couple of days or even weeks. But every time, the pictures moved further and further away from the past and what seemed to be the present. The visions seemed to build up to events meant to have taken place recently, by the looks of us.

I could recognize the people and places, for the most part. It was the situation and occasions I had difficulty placing.

Even though I knew it wasn't healthy, I found myself dependent on these visions and would wake up disappointed in the morning after a dreamless night. I got so frustrated that I threw one of my guitars against the wall, relishing in the mess and destruction, along with the discordant and cacophonous sounds that the broken strings made. I hung my head down and glared at my hands, feeling my eyebrows pull together.

I felt my lips fall slack and open when my hoarse voice whispered her name, "Kagome."

The squeeze in my chest within my ribcage and the feeling of being torn apart at the sound of her name was an experience that I had yet to become accustomed to. Anyway, these dreams… I have a gut feeling that they can't mean anything good but I can't bring myself to do anything about them. They were giving her back to me, in a sort of roundabout way. I continued staring blankly at the mess on the floor until my ears instinctively began twitching and I wrinkled my nose at the woodsy smell of berries, pine, sandalwood and citrus with a hint of tree sap.

I cringed as soon as the scent intensified and I heard, with amazing clarity, the dirty wolf's stomping footsteps as he entered the building and into the freight elevator. The fact that I was fucking hung over as fuck probably didn't help the situation.

The door slammed close and I flinched from the sound.

"Hey, dog shit! Why the fuck does it smell like you haven't been groomed in years?" Kouga's coarse voice echoed through my loft and reverberated in my ears and I held my hands to them, blowing out air through my gritted teeth.

"Prick," I muttered.

"Yeah, I heard that," he called.

"What the fuck do you want, Kouga?"

"It's been a pretty long time since any of us have seen your ugly ass face so I drew the short straw and had to come check up on you." His light blue eyes surveyed the studio and he wrinkled his nose and continued looking over the recently broken instrument, the closed blinds, and my disheveled appearance— personal hygiene wasn't exactly at the top of my priorities at the moment.

"From the looks of it, you're not doing too well. How was the break up with Kikyo?"

I snorted. "It was _my_ idea," I reminded him.

"Regret can happen."

"Keh! I don't _regret_ things, Kouga," I sneered while inwardly, I could feel my conscious rolling his eyes at me. I was practically drowning in regret— just not over Kikyo. "Look, why don't you just go back to wherever you came from and suck face with Ayame? You can tell everyone I'm fine."

"Why don't you just tell them yourself, mutt?" he challenged. "Unless you want to continue rolling around in your own shit like a dog…"

"And what if I do?"

"Goddamn it, Inuyasha! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME!" I roared. "WHY DOES SOMETHING HAVE TO BE WRONG WITH ME? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FUCKING ANNOYING? YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF SO JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE TO DEAL WITH MY SHIT!"

I stood up roughly, the chair being thrown to the side.

As I came towards him, I violently pushed him out of the doorway and his back slammed against the opposite wall of the hallway with a satisfying thud as his spine pounded into the dry wall. The paintings hung on the wall shuddered while some shattered and smashed into dozens of tiny little pieces of glass on the hardwood floors.

"What the hell is your problem? We're just worried about you!" Kouga pushed himself off of the wall and glared at me.

"I don't need _anyone's_ pity," I spat at him. "I can handle my own shit. Just get the fuck out of my place, Kouga," I threatened darkly.

Kouga crossed his arms over his chest defiantly, mimicking me almost perfectly from when I got into one of those moods, and he snorted. "Fuck you, mutt. I'm not leaving your dirty ass pig sty until you get out of this fucking slump you're in."

The fact that even _he_ cared was what threw me over the edge. I mean, I knew that the two of us really didn't hate each other, but the fact that he was kind of outwardly displaying that he cared about me made me realize how I was in really bad shape. I couldn't face it.

Snarling, I lunged at him without any warning and took a fistful of his grey t-shirt in my hand, feeling my claws rip through the soft fabric. I lifted him about a foot, a foot and a half at the most, and with another deep growl, threw him across the hallway, over the railing of the corkscrew staircase and he landed with a fulfilling, heavy thud on the living room floor.

The pain in my heart lessened with every increase of pain he felt. I wanted more of my pain to go away.

I leapt over the railing and landed effortlessly with him at my feet. He stared at me with wide eyes that narrowed into slits, the cool blue darkening with anger. Kouga rubbed the back of his head and glared at me, shouting, "Seriously, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

I was just _so_ angry.

I couldn't help myself.

The rage churned in my stomach and I could feel the adrenaline flood my veins with every beat of my heart and my blood started heating, practically boiling as my pulse quickened. I began breathing more raggedly and felt all of my muscles tense. My eyes bled red and the irises changed, turning purple. I could feel the jagged lines on my cheeks, along with the lengthening of my fangs and claws. The need, the _bloodlust_ for violence was overwhelming. The inner youkai in me was thriving and becoming invigorated at the sense of being awakened.

"Inuyasha?" Kouga got up and slowly began to back away. Through the crimson haze cast over my vision, I could see his face contort into an expression that said how he was torn— between self-preservation and not hurting me.

Kouga wasn't the idiot that I usually called him. He knew that the only reason I had been taken over by my youkai blood was because I was seriously hurting. He dropped the defensive stance and held his hands up, palms out, in a gesture of surrender. "I'm not going to hurt you."

I rushed forward, quicker than even Kouga on his best day, and had my hand wrapped around his throat, my claws stabbing five small holes around his neck. The motions were done in less than the time it took either one of us to blink.

He shook his head at me again and repeated, "I'm not going to hurt you, mutt." His voice was strained and he gasped for air. "If… I did… Kagome… she would kill me."

My grip loosened.

Grunting, Kouga struggled in the chokehold and he continued, "Come on, Inuyasha. What the fuck's the matter with you?"

The red faded from my eyes, the irises returning to a bright golden color. I could feel the purple streaks on my cheeks fade and my fangs and claws shortened. My blood cooled down and my heartbeat slowed. Finally, I shakily unclenched my hand, releasing Kouga's throat and I stared at my hands while he gasped and clutched his throat sorely.

He glared at me again with his blue eyes and I think I felt the pain before his fist even connected with my jaw. My head snapped to the other side in a swift movement and I slowly put a hand to my jaw. Kouga's glare weakened and he sighed exasperatedly.

"Why didn't you just fucking tell her? It's been a month since you and Kikyo broke up."

I couldn't look at him.

"Hey, man, I remember Miroku and Sango's wedding. You and Bankotsu were seriously about to go at it. And you forget that Ayame and I have pretty good hearing. While we were chasing after Bankotsu, we could hear everything you and Kagome said. That, and Kagome said some things to Ayame that Ayame told me."

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't believe Kouga and there was an empty ache in my chest. "It's not that simple." I looked up at him and felt my eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Didn't she tell everyone yet?"

Now Kouga's eyebrows came together in a confused frown. "Didn't she tell everyone _what_?"

"Forget it," I mumbled. Maybe they just want to keep it a secret. Whatever… it's their prerogative. Who knows? Maybe they just eloped and decided not to tell anyone. With another shaky breath, I held a hand to my forehead, sliding the hand up to run through my silver hair. "I feel like shit right now."

"You look like it."

I glared at him but the look quickly lost its acidity when I accepted that he was right.

He sighed. "Why don't you take a shower— probably your first one since Kikyo moved out— and we'll go out for a drink."

I nodded and gestured to the large, comfortable couch and picked up a remote, pushing a button that caused the wooden cabinets of my entertainment center to open and reveal the sleek, flat screen and the top of the line speakers I had. Kouga's mouth dropped and I handed him the remote.

"Enjoy yourself." I trudged upstairs toward the bathroom, staring at the blood tips of the claws on my right hand. "A drink… I might as well just drink rubbing alcohol. That would probably have more of an effect on me than fucking beer."

Yeah. And fuck the fact that I'm already hung over. I heard the mangy wolf cheer and make indiscernible grunts at the television while he watched some sort of game. I wasn't going to be much fun but I secretly appreciated the fact that the bastard was going through all of this effort.

Not that I'd ever admit it.

* * *

_October_

There was a soft creak as the mattress adjusted to the sudden weight, protesting, as I threw myself onto the comfortable bed, not bothering to change into more comfortable clothes or even get under the blankets. I sighed into the soft pillow and turned my face away from the large window, immersing myself in the darkness. I dug my face deeper into the bed, trying to evade reality, not noticing when I finally slipped into unconsciousness.

Shit…

What the hell is going on?

The images that I had usually looked forward to, the best part of my day, and possibly, the only thing keeping me from going insane was turning on me. There were no more sweet memories of Kagome that I don't remember. Yeah, I'm still getting used to this, too.

Unlike the other images, these visions seemed to center around the past year or so, instead of spanning through our childhood summers together.

A strange encounter between myself and Kikyo at a party that Sango was throwing… words like 'slut' and 'whore' and 'betrayal' swam in my head and echoed in my ears. Then another image of Kagome hitting me and Kouga with a light blue orb of her spiritual powers, right before seeing her faint. The memories just kept blasting by me, letting me see just enough before rushing away and being replaced by a new memory so that the previous one couldn't even sink in.

There were just too fucking many!

And there was no rhyme or reason to the order in which I was bombarded. Good memory, then good memory, then bad one, and then another good one. Or vice versa. And I couldn't make sense of any of it because these events couldn't have possibly happened.

Kikyo cheated on me? She got pregnant?

I started dating Kagome? I took her to her prom?

Of course, the last one was the worst one. It didn't start that way, of course, but of course it had to end badly. It was different. I wasn't merely observing things anymore. It was like the memory swallowed me up so that I was reliving it.

I was in Sango's backyard with Kagome, and everyone else, too, I guess. I didn't really notice _them_. We were wrestling in the soft grass and I was impressed by the fact that she wasn't too girly and didn't mind getting dirty to have a little fun.

Pun intended.

Everything was perfect, except for the whole Kikyo being a pregnant whore who hung out with shady people. But I ignored that, telling myself that that wasn't the point of this particular vision. While we were outside, our parents were inside. There was a huge explosion that continued resonating in my eardrums but I had continued laying over Kagome, shielding her from the force and heat of the crash. I could hear glass breaking and the sound of women screaming… Mom was the next thing to fill my head, but I knew that my father was there— both of them had to be okay. He wouldn't let anything happen to his mate.

We ran back into the house and I saw that my dad and Sesshomaru were snarling at the monstrosity filling Sango's house and that all of the women were unconscious on the ground, thrown back from the force. Kouga and I immediately entered the fray with my brother and father and I put everything I had into trying to fucking get rid of this son of a bitch who was hurting my family, but his cold crimson eyes glared at me while his lips curved into a smirk.

We were all bleeding and I worried about the girls in the back of my mind. They got everyone out, didn't they? I took a tentative sniff and my heart sank when I smelled Sango and Kagome's scents upstairs and I could smell faint traces of blood and tears. Through the crashing of the house and breaking glass, I was able to hear Kagome's desperate voice as she pleaded.

"NO! STOP! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

I could see her tear streaked face, covered in blood, dirt, and sweat while she struggled to help Sango. There was nothing but despondency in her face as she seemed to resign from everything. Her eyes turned blank and I reached my hand out for her.

"Kagome!"

I shot up, sitting upright in my bed with my arm outstretched into the darkness. I realized, as I put a hand to my forehead, that it was shaking and that I was drenched in my own sweat. There was nothing— no destruction, no bastard hurting my family, and definitely no Kagome.

I pulled the sweaty shirt over my head, relishing in the feel of the cool air against my bare skin, cooling it down. My heart was pounding in my ribcage from the adrenaline I had experienced. I sighed and threw the shirt somewhere in the corner and groaned, folding my arms on my bent knees and resting my forehead on my forearms.

"What the fuck does it all mean?" I whispered to myself. I turned to the glass doors in my room and they seemed pretty inviting. I swung my legs off of the bed and my feet hit the padded carpet and I slid open the doors before stepping out into the short balcony, receiving the cold breeze welcomingly. I gripped the railing and hung my head, my hair blowing behind me in the autumn wind. I glared up at the dark sky; at the bright, twinkling stars that mocked me with their happiness.

"Fuck you," I snapped.

I hit the railing hard with my palm and turned back, slamming the sliding doors closed before I grabbed a random shirt from my closet, forcing it down over my head hastily before I swiped the car keys from my bedside table, storming out of my bedroom and down the stairs before I rushed through the front door and into the building's elevator. I left the loft behind me while I got into my Bugatti Veyron, the midnight black paint job easily hiding me as I sped down the road.

I drove blindly, my subconscious leading me. I parked the car and found myself striding towards the entrance to the Moonlight Lounge before I froze, my body quickly tensing up.

Of course Kagome wouldn't be here… she's all the way in fucking Taiwan. But… _he_ worked here. This is where they first met. How ironic. I wanted to beat my subconscious into a pulp for bringing me here. In any case, I needed a drink and this was now the nearest bar.

I'm beginning to think that Kouga instilled a bad behavior in me. Naturally, I could really care less.

Anyway I stormed through the front doors, I passed the obvious entrance into the lounge, full of old, selfish businessmen that just wanted to smoke cigars and listen to younger woman sing and hope to bang them without their wives finding out.

Fucking assholes.

I strode past the lounge and found myself near the velvet ropes of the club, once again lined with groups of people who apparently had nothing better to do than spend their night dressed up only to wait in line to get into a club that they obviously weren't going to get into.

I ignored the glares I got as I cut them and pushed my way past the bodyguard into the club. He put a hand on my chest but I turned towards him and glowered at him, a growl rising from my throat.

Immediately, he lifted his hand off of me. "Whatever, man." He thought I didn't hear him when he muttered, "Fucking drunk."

I made my way to the bar, claiming a stool that was empty on both sides. I sincerely hoped that I wouldn't attract a drunk whore that hoped to lay a Takashi and sell the story to the nearest tabloid magazine. Like I needed that kind of shit right now.

The bartender came up to me and raised his eyebrows at me. "What will it be?"

I looked up and my eyes widened. It was the same bartender as the one I saw in one of my dreams.

"Jinenji."

"Yeah… do I know you?" he stared at me with his eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I'm sorry, have we met before?"

"No…" I held my hand out and he shook it. "Sorry, I'm Inuyasha. I uh, I know Kagome."

"You're a friend of Higurashi's? I'll mix you up something— on the house."

"Appreciate it." I really did. "Make it strong."

"So have you talked to her lately?"

"Hm?"

"Kagome? Have you talked to her recently? Since she moved to Taiwan?" He raised an eyebrow at me while he slid the glass across the bar towards me.

"Oh… no. She's busy with school, I guess." I took the glass he placed in front of me and downed the drink in one gulp, feeling the trailing burn in left in my throat. I slammed it back down and Jinenji was quick to refill it.

"Yeah. She left me her e-mail, but she hasn't really gotten back to me. I figure it's hard to be in a different country by yourself. I sure do miss her, though."

"Hm," I nodded while downing another glass.

Happy fucking Halloween.

* * *

_November_

I groaned and turned over, lying down on my stomach while I reached for a soft pillow to hold over my head. It still didn't work. I could still hear the feminine voice that held a gentle, but stern tone. Her scent intensified and I knew that she moved upstairs and was now on my floor. I groaned again and tightened the hold on the pillow over my head.

"Inuyasha."

Soft footsteps came to my door and there were three short knocks on my door.

"Inuyasha," she said. I could feel a scolding coming soon. "Inuyasha Takashi, you're going to get out of your bed and open your bedroom this instant."

With a heavy sigh, I lifted my head from underneath the pillow and tossed aside the blankets, ignoring the crumpled pile it formed on the floor next to my bed and gruffly twisted the lock on my door and opened it, raising my eyebrows at the dark haired woman waiting on the other side with her lips set in a hard line. I waited for her to start scolding me, but instead my mother's violet eyes softened as she took in my appearance and her face fell.

"Inuyasha, you've been holed up in your room for far too long. When your father and I extended the invitation for you to move back in, it was just so you could finally get out of that loft of yours and hopefully… venture out."

Great. Now my own mother was calling me a loser. It wasn't bad enough that I had temporarily moved back in with my parents. Now they were criticizing me for it.

"Sorry, Mom. I'll go out for some breakfast then." I motioned to close my bedroom door again, with every intention of going back to sleep, but my mother placed her manicured hand on the door and gave it a light push.

"No. You're going to clean yourself up, fix your bed, and come downstairs to have breakfast with your family. It's Thanksgiving— you're _supposed_ to be with your family." She raised her dark eyebrows at me to emphasize her point and folded her arms before turning and disappearing down the hall and I could hear her descend the staircase.

I leaned against the doorframe and soon enough, I could hear my parents in the dining room. There was the faint but distinct sound of my father folding up the morning newspaper and setting it aside while my mother sat down at the dining room table.

"So how is he doing?"

"I'm worried… he's lost a lot of weight in the past couple of months and he doesn't leave to go out. He just sleeps all day and all night. Otherwise, he's just hiding in his work." She paused and I strained my ears to hear her, realizing that she began to whisper. "I think he's starting to have a drinking problem, too. Sango called me before and told me about how Miroku and Kouga have had to pick him up at all these bars all over Tokyo."

Not bothering to hear what my father had to say, I went back into my room and trudged into my bathroom, leaning over the sink. I let the water run and brought my hands underneath the stream of water to splash my face with the cold liquid. I turned off the faucet and stared at myself in the mirror before I shook my head at my reflection in disgust. I could smell him in the doorway.

"What the hell do you want, Sesshomaru?"

"Don't you think you're being overdramatic?" he asked.

"No, I _don't_ think I'm being fucking overdramatic!" I barked back. "I…"

"If you truly cared about her, why let her get away?"

"It's not that easy!"

He sniffed arrogantly. "It must be harder to have let her get away than to keep her." I looked at his reflection at the mirror and he raised a silver eyebrow at me. "Inuyasha, maybe it's time that you grow up and realize that if you want someone, you should do anything to get her."

I deflected his question. "Kikyo wants to be with Suikotsu," I replied lamely.

"We're not talking about Kikyo and you know that."

Well duh.

He gave me another appraising look before shaking his head disappointedly and disappeared from my sight. Good riddance.

By that time next week, I sighed in boredom, pushing my spoon around the bowl in circles while I felt Sango and Miroku's anxious gazes on me. I dropped the spoon, letting it clatter noisily against the empty porcelain, causing the two of them to jump.

"Why don't the two of you just say whatever the hell it is that you want to say? That way you can stop wasting my time."

Sango retorted, "Like you were being so productive?"

She and I were locked in a glare and Miroku cleared his throat to get our attention. "Maybe this would be more effective if we didn't stare at each other like we wanted to kill each other," he suggested. I leaned back against my chair with my arms crossed obstinately across my chest while Sango scoffed.

"That worked out fantastically," he muttered.

"Like I said before— what the hell do you two need to say to me?"

Sango turned her chocolate orbs to Miroku, challenging him. He gulped nervously and chuckled, giving me an awkward smile. I raised my eyebrows at him skeptically. His face fell into a frown and he tried, "Look Inuyasha, we know that you've been pretty depressed over the past three months or so. We just want to make sure that you're okay."

"Peachy," I replied dryly.

"Great," he intoned.

Sango rolled her eyes at her husband. "Everyone just wants to make sure that you're not about to do anything drastic." She widened her eyes at me. "You _do_ have a tendency to overreact sometimes. You do realize that, right?"

"Why the fuck should I realize _anything_? I'm perfectly happy in my own delusional little world full of work and being by myself. I don't need anyone else. I can be content alone."

Miroku looked at me with pity. "Is your hand chaffing by now?" He narrowly dodged the bread stick aimed right for his eye but he couldn't avoid the hand that connected with his cheek, resulting in a very satisfying, crisp sound.

"Thanks, Sango."

"Don't worry about it. He was getting on my nerves, too."

I smirked at Miroku who grinned at me. "See? There's the Inuyasha we all know and love!" He rubbed his cheek gingerly before lifting the glass of ice water and touching it to his face. "You know, you'd think that I'd get used to these slaps after nearly twenty years."

"You never learn…"

I stood up abruptly, turning to our waitress, signaling her for the check. She nodded and came towards our table. I took the bill from her and reached into my wallet, pulling out a few bills and giving them to her. "Keep the change."

She looked down and widened her eyes at the enormous tip she'd just been given. She smiled enthusiastically and nodded at me, lowering her head in a small bow. "Thank you, sir! Please, come again anytime." With a sultry tone, she added, "I'd be happy to serve you."

Miroku nearly choked on his water and Sango pat his back while glowering at him while I lifted an eyebrow at the waitress. She batted her eyelashes and smiled sweetly at me. I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "Sure."

I left the table and the newlywed couple to grab my jacket from the rack located near the entrance. I could hear them hurriedly following after me and I sighed in exasperation while pushing through the doors into the brisk wind, sending red and golden leaves into the air in swirls.

"Inuyasha! Come on! You can't just isolate yourself from the entire world. Or from us. We're your family!" Sango called out.

Turning around, I stared at them and said softly, "I know that. But I don't need your help right now. What I need is to be alone."

Sango was about to chase after me when I saw Miroku grab her arm. She stared at him but he shook his head at her while he nodded at me. I nodded back and continued walking down the street, blending into the crowds of pedestrians that often plagued Tokyo. I shoved my hands into my pockets and wandered through the streets, immersed in my own thoughts. I managed to turn onto an empty residential street, full of houses, and as I continued walking, I came across the Higurashi shrine.

I took a deep breath before I made my way up the numerous steps leading up to the shrine and home before I got to the small courtyard, where visitors usually took a tour of the shrine, said their prayers, and bought something from Kagome's grandfather at the souvenir shop.

I moved deeper into their property, encountering the tall, ancient looking tree near their house. It was nearly symmetrical in all directions and still held the ring of decorations around its trunk, the charms lightly blowing in the wind and causing a soft tinkling sound to drift in the air. I stood at its base, just out of the small gate that surrounded it and I managed to reach a hand out to touch the bark, feeling my eyebrows knit together.

Feeling like a goddamn idiot to be praying to a tree, I walked away, wandering closer to the house. After a tentative sniff and listening carefully, I figured that there was no one home and if there were, I would be able to get away or hide without being caught.

Everyone already thought that I was a manic-depressive, suicidal freak. I didn't need them to think that I was a creepy, stalkerish burglar, too. I took special care to not step over Mrs. Higurashi's flower bed as I leapt onto the ordinary tree adjacent to the side of the house, landing on a low branch. I grabbed onto the branch above me, swinging myself up and over the next branch before I was level with a second story window that I shouldn't have recognized but felt at home by.

Peeking through the window, I could clearly see Kagome's neat, simple bedroom. It was untouched and looked as if it hadn't been entered since a couple of months ago, when Kagome left to go to school in Taiwan. I contemplated my next move and I decided to jump onto the narrow ledge provided by her window sill and opened the window. As I sat on the window sill, it was as if I was hit by another sense of déjà vu, like I had seen this in one of the visions I had at night.

I ignored it and quietly entered Kagome's room. I frowned at the concentration of her scent, the abundance of it overwhelming me. I clenched my fists, feeling the tips of my claws prick my palm, drawing miniscule amounts of blood. I ground my teeth together, trying to steel myself against the wave of emotion that came over me, but the tears still fell.

* * *

_December_

"Really, Inuyasha, you need to get out more often. Aren't you sick of your stupid loft? Of your studio? I mean, I bet your own clients are sick of you." I watched my cousin widen her chocolate brown eyes at me in insistence and I scoffed at her. She, in turn, rolled her eyes at me and took another sip of her mug of coffee. I watched the steam waft upwards in swirls before the rim of the cup touched her lips.

I took my own sip of my mug, relishing in the hot liquid rushing down my throat, feeling it all the way to my stomach. This winter was pretty mild, but it was still chilly. The cold air had allowed for clear, sunny skies for the majority of the season, though.

We continued walking through the streets in silence, each of us immersed in our own thoughts— a dangerous proposition for myself. Soon, we found that we had drifted into Yoyogi Koen. The park was nearly empty due to the colder weather. The usual green canopy of green was now a variety of reds, yellows, and orange, or else the tree was already bare. Sango and I stopped to stare at what the park was famous for, admiring the trees.

Moving away from the forest, we ventured aimlessly and then sat down on the cold, hard grass. I could hear it crunch under our weight. I stared out into the vast expanse of the wide lawn and looked down from the hill we sat on and my eyes widened when my gaze landed on the large pond below us.

My mind flashed with images, just like during my dreams, though I was now wide awake.

_I followed her up the hill, and climbed up the rocky boulder. I took a look and let out a breath. The view was spectacular. All of Tokyo could be seen. I snuck a side-glance at Kagome and felt my breath being taken away again. A warm summer breeze had come and blew past her, making her wind blow around her face. The sun was beginning to set and the light made her honey eyes appear hazel. She turned towards me._

_"Don't you just love the view? It's great at night. You can see all the lights in Tokyo…"_

_I nodded. I smirked and asked, "Do you think we can get on with this shortcut?" I held out a hand to pull her up. We ran down the boulder and Kagome jumped on my back. I ran down the hill with her and laughed at the feeling of the breeze on us. When we were at the bottom, Kagome got off and led me past a sparkling lake and into some dense trees._

Memories that I just didn't remember… memories that I wanted to be _real_.

_I smiled softly at her. "Let's go back to the park." She nodded with a goofy grin and we entered the dense trees and walked by the lake. We talked the entire time, about school, family, friends. We talked until we reached a set of swings. Kagome sat down and finished her oden and I leaned over her, both arms leaning on the chains next to her._

_She slurped up the last of her noodles. "You know what, I actually had fun tonight."_

_I dramatically put a hand over my chest. "You doubted my company?"_

_She giggled and bit her bottom lip, nodding her head slowly, teasing me. She jumped off the swing, threw out her trash and began walking. Shyly, we turned towards each other, our eyes meeting._

_Suddenly, we both jerked and tore our eyes away from each other. I let go of her and purposefully looked away. I talked to the moon's reflection rippling in the lake. "So…"_

_"So."_

_"Maybe I should take you home now."_

_"Uh… Yeah. This way."_

_She brushed her hand with mine and walked ahead. Before she got too far away, I grabbed her small hand in my bigger, rough hand. We held hands while walking through the brightly lit streets of Tokyo, up the stairs leading up to Higurashi Shrine, and to her front door._

_Kagome flashed me a toothy grin. "Thanks… really. It was a great night."_

_I blushed and rubbed the back of my neck. "Ahh…it was nothing. So I'll see you tomorrow?"_

_"Definitely. Oh, could you tell Sango to pick me up tomorrow? I left my car at Miroku's."_

_I nodded. "Sweet dreams Kagome." I leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek._

"Inuyasha? Inuyasha!"

Sango waved a hand on my face and I felt my eyes widen and shook my head, as if clearing away all the fogginess that these visions brought.

She sighed and rolled her eyes at me. "Come on. We've got to go. Kagome's coming home."

I fought to ignore how my heart jumped in my ribcage. I shook my head. "Nah. I'll just ruin the whole 'lovey-dovey-ness' of it all." I grimaced.

Scowling at me, she insisted, "It's her birthday dinner! We haven't seen her since the wedding." I gave her a look and she scoffed. "Fine. But if you change your mind, meet us at the shrine before seven, okay?"

I watched her walk away and scowled, lowering my head onto my knee, glowering at the sparkling lake.

Then I found myself walking towards Higurashi Shrine at six forty-five. I could feel my heartbeat increase. I was able to faintly smell her and hear her voice. Finally, she came into view and I found that my pace quickened as I hurried towards her silhouette, ignoring the other people around her.

Damn it all.

I came up behind her and put my hands over her eyes. For the first time in nearly four months, I felt my lips curve up into a small smile.

* * *

And this is where Chapter 15: Another Meeting would kick in! Well… actually by that point, it's actually halfway through Chapter 15. Yay, so now you know what our little inu was up to. Sorry if it's a little boring or a drag. I mean, that's basically what he was during that interim time he was by himself.

For those who have read past this chapter/finished the story, if you're confused, you need to remember that, at this part of the story, Naraku's done his mind warping thing on everyone so he basically rewrote their whole childhood/life. So that's where that part comes in from because I didn't give them back their memories for another three chapters lol.

I hope you enjoyed it :)

As always, please keep **read**ing and know that **review**s are appreciated and that you are **wonder**ful.

P.S. It's actually really hard for me to write in Inuyasha's POV, lol. This was just a vain attempt. I figured that though, most of the time, he usually says what he's thinking, that's only when he's comfortable and happy but at this point, he's obviously not in that state of mind. And when he usually starts sulking, that's when he starts thinking. At least, that's what I've observed, haha.


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